Balance

There is so much that goes on every second of everyday. I love being busy. Meaning I love have so much to do and being involved with different events. I am a full time student and I work part-time and I travel most weekends. People ask me all the time how in the world am I able to balance all that. My first response is, "I don't know I just do it!" but the more I think about it I really do plan out when I am going to do things and how I am going to do it. I love being on a schedule, having a time limit for things, and just being in a routine. But I love having a lazy day. Netflix binge watching is life. So when I can I totally take advantage of it. Just ask anyone who knows me, I will disappear for days and when I finally reappear I was binge watching a TV series on Netflix. Some people tell me that I shouldn't do that and that it's not healthy for me but really I have found that for me its exactly what I need to keep going day to day. Fact: everyone is an individual, we all do things differently, and we call handle things differently. I often loss sight of these things and when I do I notice that my life starts to feel overwhelming and unbearable. So I stop and I try something new and then I get back on track living my life the way I live it. I hope that everyone can find their own balance for their life. I am by no means perfect at my "balanced" life. Keeping doing you and being the best you. Love you all.


This weeks quote is the biggest truth bomb of my life!

Man/Mr./Boyfriend/Brother/Father/Fellow/Gentleman

One of the hardest things about coming home from a mission is the pressure to get married as soon as possible. I never thought that this would be one of my biggest struggles in life. I grew up thinking that I would graduate high school at 17, get married at 19, and be pregnant with my first child at 20. I am almost 23 and none of those things has happened to me. Everything that I have done post graduation wasn't planned. It was never in my future plans. Thinking about all my plans for my life that didn't happen honestly makes me sick to my stomach if I think about it long enough then I start to cry and there are some days that I do sit on the floor in my room crying about I then get up and think about all the wonderful things I have seen and done the past five years that I would have never been able to do if everything in my life went my way. Please don't get me wrong getting married at a young age is totally fine, I mean my grandma was 16, my mom was 18, and my younger sister was 19. Plus most of my cousins all got married young. As time passes I learn that my journey through life has always been so different from everyone I know, especially my family. So it's no surprise that the events in my life have been completely my own. After I sit and cry about still being a single returned missionary I have to laugh because God's timing is something that I will never understand and oddly in those moments I become okay with that. Even though I don't have a husband to love on...yet.God has still filled my life full of men that love me and care for me and I couldn't be more grateful for every single one of them. My best friend growing up was the neighbor boy, all the cousins close to me in age are boys, when I entered and left the mission field I was the only sister missionary with a bunch of elders. To say boys are a small part of my life is a understatement. I like to joke that my future husband has a lot of "brothers" to get approval from. I don't know when I am going to get married or if I will even get married in this life time but I know that I am in perfect hands. God is taking care of me (even with all my short comings). He has blessed my life with some of the most incredible men that the world has ever known. I am truly blessed and I will take a wild guess that y'all are too.

                                   (my cute brothers and I.....yes we do model. How did you know?)

(I realized that I don't have any resent pictures with my day but this is one of my favorites)

Are these just not the cutest guys you have ever seen!

Creating Gratitude

I don't want to do what everyone else is doing but there are people out in the world who have wonderful ideas and thought on topics that I agree with. I think that agreeing with others is how we make friends. I don't have to do everything that those I agree with do but I can take what we agree on and make it my own and do things my own my. 

This week I started to praying daily again. I never abandoned the idea of prayer but it wasn't an importance to me  and when I would remember that I had forgotten to pray I hurt inside. The hurt feeling is one that shame, disappointment, and regret are attached too. I hate having those feeling so gradually I stopped praying regularly. Mind you that on my mission I would pray on average 40-50 times a day. (Prayer is a real power) When I got home I prayed maybe 5, 6 times total a day. I began feeling like there was something wrong with me. It was an awful feeling and so slowly I just got to this point where I was hardly praying just a few times a week because the feeling of guilt and shame was the same wither I had prayed 3 times a day or 3 times a week. It's hard to speak the true about the reality of where I have ended up spiritually after serving my mission. But I know that if I want to make my own way in the world that I need to open up and become honest about where I am in different aspects of my life with not only myself but with everyone else. So like I stated earlier in my post is that I decided to focus on prayer this week and when I say focus I don't mean that's the only thing I have thought about all week because I didn't. I go to school full time, work and sleep... but I did try to keep it at the forefront of my mind. Was I perfect at it, meaning did I pray multiple times a day? No, I didn't but that wasn't my goal. My goal was to pray at least three times a day and at least two of those on my knees. Did I perfect that goal? No, not even close but you know what I am going to try again next week because I can do that. I can try again and again and again. I can try as many times as I need to. Someone in one of my classes this week made the comment that, "We need to understand that Atonement of Jesus Christ for more then just our sins. It covers every aspect of our  life." Now, I don't know if that makes since to y'all but for me it means that if I need help with something then Christ and His Atonement will be there to help me. And that gives me the strength that I need to keep trying. In my few prayers that I said this week I have noticed a since of gratitude for things in my life. I actually have said many times this week (out loud) that I am grateful for this or that in my life. Honestly it's kind of thrown me off a bit but then I starting thinking about gratitude and on my mission we had a General Authority come and speak to us and I remember only two things from him and that meeting. 1) That I was in pain the whole time (but that is a story for another time). 2) That he kept a gratitude journal and made a promise to use if we kept one. I don't remember the promise I could probably find it if I look through my old notebooks. But the  thought of keeping a gratitude journal has been on my mind. Which lead to me remember Al Fox Carraway and how she keeps a journal for about every gospel thing in her life. One of those books is a gratitude journal. So i'm taking the ideas of these two individuals in my life and am going to get a notebook/journal and when I feel a since of gratitude I will write it down. To make it my own I am going to have it with me at all times. If I consistently have it will me then I will remember to look for things in my life that I am grateful/thankful for and to write it down. Also, I am hoping that it will lead me to pray more throughout the day. So I am going to keep working on my daily prayers and writing in my new gratitude journal this upcoming week. 

This weeks quote/picture is from Al Fox Carraway herself! (she is an amazing lady, if you don't know who she is please go educate yourself on her. I've met her and she is really as sweet as she looks on social media, maybe even sweeter.)

The Sound of Drums

Lately I find myself doing things for reasons that aren't my own. I buy things because everyone has one and therefore I need one. It's just the cycle that I am in and I am told that I need to stay there because it's what everyone is doing but can that really true? For years I believed that to be the truth of life. I look up to the ones who do their own thing and bet to the sound of their own drum. I have always wanted to be that kind of person. A few years ago I was that kind of person and I loved it but then I lost sight of myself and started listening to the sound of other's drum and just started doing what they did. I've had enough of it and I'm ready to be my own person again. My desire and reasoning for starting this blog is to help me put all my thoughts and ideas out there. I am a firm believer in when you share your believes and desires that it grows and becomes stronger. That's exactly what I need right now. It's a scary feeling going of on my own path and doing what I want because I want to do it. I know that there are many just waiting for me to fail or give up but you know I say BRING IT ON!!! Getting knocked down in life is just an opportunity to grow stronger and stand taller.

Now I am a quote LOVER and I love the power I feel when I find a good quote so here is one that I have just been loving over the past few days. Enjoy. (sorry about the language)