This week I started to praying daily again. I never abandoned the idea of prayer but it wasn't an importance to me and when I would remember that I had forgotten to pray I hurt inside. The hurt feeling is one that shame, disappointment, and regret are attached too. I hate having those feeling so gradually I stopped praying regularly. Mind you that on my mission I would pray on average 40-50 times a day. (Prayer is a real power) When I got home I prayed maybe 5, 6 times total a day. I began feeling like there was something wrong with me. It was an awful feeling and so slowly I just got to this point where I was hardly praying just a few times a week because the feeling of guilt and shame was the same wither I had prayed 3 times a day or 3 times a week. It's hard to speak the true about the reality of where I have ended up spiritually after serving my mission. But I know that if I want to make my own way in the world that I need to open up and become honest about where I am in different aspects of my life with not only myself but with everyone else. So like I stated earlier in my post is that I decided to focus on prayer this week and when I say focus I don't mean that's the only thing I have thought about all week because I didn't. I go to school full time, work and sleep... but I did try to keep it at the forefront of my mind. Was I perfect at it, meaning did I pray multiple times a day? No, I didn't but that wasn't my goal. My goal was to pray at least three times a day and at least two of those on my knees. Did I perfect that goal? No, not even close but you know what I am going to try again next week because I can do that. I can try again and again and again. I can try as many times as I need to. Someone in one of my classes this week made the comment that, "We need to understand that Atonement of Jesus Christ for more then just our sins. It covers every aspect of our life." Now, I don't know if that makes since to y'all but for me it means that if I need help with something then Christ and His Atonement will be there to help me. And that gives me the strength that I need to keep trying. In my few prayers that I said this week I have noticed a since of gratitude for things in my life. I actually have said many times this week (out loud) that I am grateful for this or that in my life. Honestly it's kind of thrown me off a bit but then I starting thinking about gratitude and on my mission we had a General Authority come and speak to us and I remember only two things from him and that meeting. 1) That I was in pain the whole time (but that is a story for another time). 2) That he kept a gratitude journal and made a promise to use if we kept one. I don't remember the promise I could probably find it if I look through my old notebooks. But the thought of keeping a gratitude journal has been on my mind. Which lead to me remember Al Fox Carraway and how she keeps a journal for about every gospel thing in her life. One of those books is a gratitude journal. So i'm taking the ideas of these two individuals in my life and am going to get a notebook/journal and when I feel a since of gratitude I will write it down. To make it my own I am going to have it with me at all times. If I consistently have it will me then I will remember to look for things in my life that I am grateful/thankful for and to write it down. Also, I am hoping that it will lead me to pray more throughout the day. So I am going to keep working on my daily prayers and writing in my new gratitude journal this upcoming week.
This weeks quote/picture is from Al Fox Carraway herself! (she is an amazing lady, if you don't know who she is please go educate yourself on her. I've met her and she is really as sweet as she looks on social media, maybe even sweeter.)
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