Teeth Whitening

Starting over is so hard, yet there are parts of my life that I wish I could restart but can't. For example I wish that I could restart this summer semester that I have totally messed up. From day one it's been a disaster and only seems to get worse but I just keep going from week to week feeling like I disappointed more people then I helped. I will forever be working on building myself up. Not only for the mess I made for myself last week but for all my choices good and bad. Like most girls I go through serious mood swings. My current mood is being mute. I don't want to talk to any one not even to myself. I would love to just sit and watch paint dry right now. Sounds dramatic but let's be honest I am a very dramatic girl. Don't worry though I haven't become a total hermit crab. I have been traveling all weekend and been busy making three wedding cakes back to back. So if you saw me this past weekend you wouldn't now that's how I have been feeling, unless you see me today then you would totally know., some days I just show it more then others and today is one of those days.

 Coming home from my mission was crap hitting the fan and I was a complete mess. I had never felt so alone in my life, it was hard and it still is. One day I was one Facebook and I saw this ad for return missionaries. It was a two day event that was to help return missionaries adjust back to life. I am a very planned and organized person but I am also a very spontaneous person. And without even thinking about it I signed up for this event. Then I called my friend told her that I signed up and she wanted to come along so see also signed up. Those two days where a game changer for me. It wasn't an instant change but a gradual one. If I am being totally honest, which I promise I am always 100% honest with y'all, I left that weekend and didn't make any changes to my life. I don't know why I didn't but I didn't and that's that. But there was two things that I now remember from that event and it's this: 1) I can spend two days with total strangers and by the end leave knowing that they truly love and care about me. 2) Make your bed every morning because if you make your bed each morning then your winning the day. Let me tell you I have made my bed EVERY SINGLE day this week. As I make my bed I tell myself that I am winning the day because I made my bed. Even with my mute mood right now I still feel this since of accomplishment that I have this small victory already under my belt for the day. Oh I so wish I had the monkey emoji covering his eyes right now because that explains how I feel about right all this. It sounds so off the wall weird but really you guys it's am amazing feeling to start my day off knowing that I have a made bed to go home too. Even though I can't start over curtain things in my life that I wish I could, I will get through all of it. One of the many Instagram-ers that I follow said this, "if your not activity working toward whitening your teeth, then your yellowing." So true! If your not working toward something then your heading the other direction. We can never say still in life. We are either moving one way or the other and I would rather be working on haveing pearly white teach then yellow teeth. So let's try this week to move towards whiteness with all our small victories that we will have this week.

This weeks quote is my new screen saver on my phone. Enjoy every single piece of life.

When You Question Everything

Two steps forward, five steps back... It's so hard to stay focused when the failures are grater then the victories. I feel like these past few weeks I have been making some great improvements in my life. I have felt lighter and happier but one moment took that all away from me. I choice that I made took all that joy away that I worked so hard for build. I made a choice and I was the one who took it away. There was no one else involved but me but yet I started to blame others around me for taking away my joy. I became so upset with everything in my life that I wanted to leave it all and go back home to Arizona. Guys, I left Arizona for the same reasons that I want to leave Utah. You can't run away from your life. It has a way of finding you. My computer crashed Friday night as I was trying to get my homework done and it wasn't fixed until Monday morning. Without even thinking about it I decided to take this time away from my computer to just sit in silence and really think things through. I started questioning all my choices and kept asking myself "why" I was making the choices that I was and doing the things that I was doing. I torn myself down. I got to the base of my core but yet I still feel just as lost. How can that be? How can I even find the answer to that kind of question? I often feel like I'm stuck on a  hamster wheel, forever to find myself going around and around through the same cycle. All I know is that you have to find the light in the dark. One thing that I had stopped doing when everything started going down hill was that I stopped expressing my gratitude for the little things in my life. I don't think it is a fix all but I do believe that it does play a large part in my happiness. I'm just trying to get to the next week but its helping me so far and look tomorrow is Friday. I have made it a whole week! Success is in the little things. Y'all keep trying don't give up.

This weeks quote is one that seems to come to my mind when I question whether it is all worth it.
I hope you find hope in it like I do.

I want to be like Pocahontas

First things first y'all need to know that my obsession with podcasts is still going strong and I am loving every single moment of it!

One of my younger sisters has been staying with me since the 4th of July. I haven't seen her since January because I moved to Utah and she went away to China to teach English to children. And that's a whole long story that I will be glad to share another time. Even though my life is super busy and I always have something going on I actually had one whole day that we got to spend together. We decided to go on a hike to see a waterfall. I had heard a few people talk about it and was told that it wasn't even a hike but just a short little walk. I will NEVER trust another person when they say a hike is easy. Oh my word I thought I was going to die. That might be a little over dramatic but really I was out of breath the whole time and was grateful that I had brought a water bottle. Once I was at the top though all the thought I had about giving up and never going on another hike again was washed away once I saw the waterfall. I seriously can't even get over the fact that it was real. Not man made. It was breath taking and life changing. I pray that I never forget the feeling of standing under the waterfall. Every worry and trouble that was with me disappeared in that moment. I seriously was thinking about having a Pocahontas moment and jump off the waterfall just to feel the combination of water and flying together but since there wasn't a ocean at the bottom of this waterfall only rocks I decided against it.

Wouldn't that just be the best feeling ever. Free falling. ahhhh it looks so peaceful to me. It really got me thinking about how in life we can feel so weighed down with everything that we have going on in our lives. It's so easy to be going through life complaining about everything that is going wrong in our lives. Shoot! When I was on that hike most of the way up I just thought about how I wanted to turn around and go back home to my couch to watch Netflix. I had no idea how long the hike was going to be and most of the time we were heading in the opposite way of the waterfall. If it wasn't for my sister telling me to keep going I would have never made it to the top. In life there are people or things that are there to help us get through all the crap we go through. We can all reach the top of our mountains to feel the water fall on our face and forget about all the negative thoughts we had going through our heads just seconds before. It's always sweeter in the end. It's worth the journey. I don't think I can one more cheesy saying to get my point across which is this: Become grateful in your circumstance.  It sounds off from what the world teaches us and it should because we are living life differently so that we can change. I feel like if I say any more that I would be just repeating everything that I have already be repeating this whole post. Just please remember that your never alone and that you are extremely loved.  

Next week I will have two talks that helped me get to this conclusion of this post. Until next week.

New Things to Love

So my new "thing" this week is podcasts and self help books. I am freakin' loving it. I feel like I have a new wind under my wings. I'm being totally honest y'all its been so wonderful. So I want to share my findings and conclusions. Everyone needs to fins a podcast that they just love! I am so serious, podcasts are so amazing. Finding one that really connects to your soul. One that makes you want to change and go out in the world to do good. I am a firm believer in the fact that you become what you surround yourself with. It's no secret that I have been having my fair share of struggles so having something that strengthens me and brings new ideas and thought that are uplifting really has been making a big difference in my life, (haha even if it has only been one week). But guys if podcasts are not your thing that is totally fine. I would suggest though finding something that helps you grow and explore new things. I have a few more things that I want to say but really guys I honest feel like none of this will make since to anyone but me...but I will save you all the pain and leave you with one last thing. In one of my podcast episodes one of the ladies was talking about how she has accomplished all that she has in her life and it's because she knew that if she wanted to be different she had to live differently then those around her. BOOM! Mind blown! It's so true. Good Night. but really though it's something that gets you thinking about what choices that one is making in ones life.

Until next week, my loves.

This weeks quote is one that I found today and I wanted to put share it.