Trying new things

It is a lot harder then I thought it would be to write down things that I love and the different talents that I have. I have been working on it all week and I only have a few things o the list. I may be making this harder then it should be but I only want things on the list that I absolutely love on the list because I want it to be a list of things that I truly love every aspect of. I wont be sharing my list but I will share my thought on it because that's what I do here. I share my thoughts. Being on the look out for things that I love has made for an interesting week. I became more aware of the little things I did and say. The way I spend my time and the kind of topic conversations that got me so excited. It was also an interesting week because Sunday was my 23rd birthday. So naturally I spent time reflecting back on life and the things that I am planning on in my future. I found myself thinking about key moments in my life and wondered where I would be if it didn't happen or if what I wanted to have happen actually happened and let me tell you I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the life that I have lives so far. I love so many aspects of my life but not all of them. So with the forming list of "Kylie's True Loves" and thinking about what I want to accomplish in life, it hit me that I want these things because of what I have experienced so far in my life. I know that God truly has a plan for me. I really want to strive to work on exercising trust in God. In one of my classes we had a guest speaker and he talked about how in life it's good to have long term goals but to become successful it's key to stay focused on the next days tasks. After hearing this it was only natural of me to want to apply to this concept into my life and for the two days I have tried do this I must say that so far so good! I noticed that I have been getting more done each day. I find it so refreshing to keep trying new things to empower and enrich ones life.

I will find you my love!

All I really want in life is to do what I love every single day. How hard can that be? Well as of right now, it is extremely difficult. When does one know that they have found the thing that they love most in life and then pursue it? I enjoy doing many different things but I just don't feel like I have yet found that one thing. Sometimes I think maybe I don't have just one thing that I am suppose to do but I want just one thing that could be all mine. For example one of my friends is a fashion blogger. She has always had a love for fashion and it's now how she makes a living for herself and loves every minute of it. Another friend of mine is an interior designer and she absolutely loves what she does. I have friends who does hair and its her jam. I could go on and on about different people in my life who live the dreams. WHY, can't it be that easy for me? Having these kind of thoughts can drive one crazy. Even if I take a break from thinking about these things I still need to find the answer. Well I guess a good place to start is looking at what my talents are. Which is and will always be the hardest thing for me to admit to, meaning admitting to my talents is really hard for me to do only because I have a fear of people thinking that I am self centered. Back when I was in young woman's and the talents lesson came up I just hated every minute of it. The leader would always have all the girls write down the talents that they saw in each other and then we would tell them. When it was my turn for the girls to tell me what they saw mine to be, it was always the generic ones like: she's so kind and pretty and creative... Can you get anymore vague please?!?! I thought that people where always fake when they talk about me and part of me still does. I really don't know what to say about that because it's something that I still struggle with. Also I never know if what I am saying or trying to say makes any since but I am doing the best I can to get all these feelings out because as I write them down I become face-to-face with them and then I am able to work through them. I think that this is going to be an on going post. I don't have a silver lining for these questions I am face-to-face with but I hope and pray that I will. I guess I need to start by physically writing down my talents, gifts, things that make me smile, and things that I just love. Okay, YAY! I like that idea. I am going to work on that this week and let's pray that I can find my love this week. 

This weeks quote is pure gold for how I am feeling right now...

Teeth Whitening

Starting over is so hard, yet there are parts of my life that I wish I could restart but can't. For example I wish that I could restart this summer semester that I have totally messed up. From day one it's been a disaster and only seems to get worse but I just keep going from week to week feeling like I disappointed more people then I helped. I will forever be working on building myself up. Not only for the mess I made for myself last week but for all my choices good and bad. Like most girls I go through serious mood swings. My current mood is being mute. I don't want to talk to any one not even to myself. I would love to just sit and watch paint dry right now. Sounds dramatic but let's be honest I am a very dramatic girl. Don't worry though I haven't become a total hermit crab. I have been traveling all weekend and been busy making three wedding cakes back to back. So if you saw me this past weekend you wouldn't now that's how I have been feeling, unless you see me today then you would totally know., some days I just show it more then others and today is one of those days.

 Coming home from my mission was crap hitting the fan and I was a complete mess. I had never felt so alone in my life, it was hard and it still is. One day I was one Facebook and I saw this ad for return missionaries. It was a two day event that was to help return missionaries adjust back to life. I am a very planned and organized person but I am also a very spontaneous person. And without even thinking about it I signed up for this event. Then I called my friend told her that I signed up and she wanted to come along so see also signed up. Those two days where a game changer for me. It wasn't an instant change but a gradual one. If I am being totally honest, which I promise I am always 100% honest with y'all, I left that weekend and didn't make any changes to my life. I don't know why I didn't but I didn't and that's that. But there was two things that I now remember from that event and it's this: 1) I can spend two days with total strangers and by the end leave knowing that they truly love and care about me. 2) Make your bed every morning because if you make your bed each morning then your winning the day. Let me tell you I have made my bed EVERY SINGLE day this week. As I make my bed I tell myself that I am winning the day because I made my bed. Even with my mute mood right now I still feel this since of accomplishment that I have this small victory already under my belt for the day. Oh I so wish I had the monkey emoji covering his eyes right now because that explains how I feel about right all this. It sounds so off the wall weird but really you guys it's am amazing feeling to start my day off knowing that I have a made bed to go home too. Even though I can't start over curtain things in my life that I wish I could, I will get through all of it. One of the many Instagram-ers that I follow said this, "if your not activity working toward whitening your teeth, then your yellowing." So true! If your not working toward something then your heading the other direction. We can never say still in life. We are either moving one way or the other and I would rather be working on haveing pearly white teach then yellow teeth. So let's try this week to move towards whiteness with all our small victories that we will have this week.

This weeks quote is my new screen saver on my phone. Enjoy every single piece of life.

When You Question Everything

Two steps forward, five steps back... It's so hard to stay focused when the failures are grater then the victories. I feel like these past few weeks I have been making some great improvements in my life. I have felt lighter and happier but one moment took that all away from me. I choice that I made took all that joy away that I worked so hard for build. I made a choice and I was the one who took it away. There was no one else involved but me but yet I started to blame others around me for taking away my joy. I became so upset with everything in my life that I wanted to leave it all and go back home to Arizona. Guys, I left Arizona for the same reasons that I want to leave Utah. You can't run away from your life. It has a way of finding you. My computer crashed Friday night as I was trying to get my homework done and it wasn't fixed until Monday morning. Without even thinking about it I decided to take this time away from my computer to just sit in silence and really think things through. I started questioning all my choices and kept asking myself "why" I was making the choices that I was and doing the things that I was doing. I torn myself down. I got to the base of my core but yet I still feel just as lost. How can that be? How can I even find the answer to that kind of question? I often feel like I'm stuck on a  hamster wheel, forever to find myself going around and around through the same cycle. All I know is that you have to find the light in the dark. One thing that I had stopped doing when everything started going down hill was that I stopped expressing my gratitude for the little things in my life. I don't think it is a fix all but I do believe that it does play a large part in my happiness. I'm just trying to get to the next week but its helping me so far and look tomorrow is Friday. I have made it a whole week! Success is in the little things. Y'all keep trying don't give up.

This weeks quote is one that seems to come to my mind when I question whether it is all worth it.
I hope you find hope in it like I do.

I want to be like Pocahontas

First things first y'all need to know that my obsession with podcasts is still going strong and I am loving every single moment of it!

One of my younger sisters has been staying with me since the 4th of July. I haven't seen her since January because I moved to Utah and she went away to China to teach English to children. And that's a whole long story that I will be glad to share another time. Even though my life is super busy and I always have something going on I actually had one whole day that we got to spend together. We decided to go on a hike to see a waterfall. I had heard a few people talk about it and was told that it wasn't even a hike but just a short little walk. I will NEVER trust another person when they say a hike is easy. Oh my word I thought I was going to die. That might be a little over dramatic but really I was out of breath the whole time and was grateful that I had brought a water bottle. Once I was at the top though all the thought I had about giving up and never going on another hike again was washed away once I saw the waterfall. I seriously can't even get over the fact that it was real. Not man made. It was breath taking and life changing. I pray that I never forget the feeling of standing under the waterfall. Every worry and trouble that was with me disappeared in that moment. I seriously was thinking about having a Pocahontas moment and jump off the waterfall just to feel the combination of water and flying together but since there wasn't a ocean at the bottom of this waterfall only rocks I decided against it.

Wouldn't that just be the best feeling ever. Free falling. ahhhh it looks so peaceful to me. It really got me thinking about how in life we can feel so weighed down with everything that we have going on in our lives. It's so easy to be going through life complaining about everything that is going wrong in our lives. Shoot! When I was on that hike most of the way up I just thought about how I wanted to turn around and go back home to my couch to watch Netflix. I had no idea how long the hike was going to be and most of the time we were heading in the opposite way of the waterfall. If it wasn't for my sister telling me to keep going I would have never made it to the top. In life there are people or things that are there to help us get through all the crap we go through. We can all reach the top of our mountains to feel the water fall on our face and forget about all the negative thoughts we had going through our heads just seconds before. It's always sweeter in the end. It's worth the journey. I don't think I can one more cheesy saying to get my point across which is this: Become grateful in your circumstance.  It sounds off from what the world teaches us and it should because we are living life differently so that we can change. I feel like if I say any more that I would be just repeating everything that I have already be repeating this whole post. Just please remember that your never alone and that you are extremely loved.  

Next week I will have two talks that helped me get to this conclusion of this post. Until next week.

New Things to Love

So my new "thing" this week is podcasts and self help books. I am freakin' loving it. I feel like I have a new wind under my wings. I'm being totally honest y'all its been so wonderful. So I want to share my findings and conclusions. Everyone needs to fins a podcast that they just love! I am so serious, podcasts are so amazing. Finding one that really connects to your soul. One that makes you want to change and go out in the world to do good. I am a firm believer in the fact that you become what you surround yourself with. It's no secret that I have been having my fair share of struggles so having something that strengthens me and brings new ideas and thought that are uplifting really has been making a big difference in my life, (haha even if it has only been one week). But guys if podcasts are not your thing that is totally fine. I would suggest though finding something that helps you grow and explore new things. I have a few more things that I want to say but really guys I honest feel like none of this will make since to anyone but me...but I will save you all the pain and leave you with one last thing. In one of my podcast episodes one of the ladies was talking about how she has accomplished all that she has in her life and it's because she knew that if she wanted to be different she had to live differently then those around her. BOOM! Mind blown! It's so true. Good Night. but really though it's something that gets you thinking about what choices that one is making in ones life.

Until next week, my loves.

This weeks quote is one that I found today and I wanted to put share it.

Balance

There is so much that goes on every second of everyday. I love being busy. Meaning I love have so much to do and being involved with different events. I am a full time student and I work part-time and I travel most weekends. People ask me all the time how in the world am I able to balance all that. My first response is, "I don't know I just do it!" but the more I think about it I really do plan out when I am going to do things and how I am going to do it. I love being on a schedule, having a time limit for things, and just being in a routine. But I love having a lazy day. Netflix binge watching is life. So when I can I totally take advantage of it. Just ask anyone who knows me, I will disappear for days and when I finally reappear I was binge watching a TV series on Netflix. Some people tell me that I shouldn't do that and that it's not healthy for me but really I have found that for me its exactly what I need to keep going day to day. Fact: everyone is an individual, we all do things differently, and we call handle things differently. I often loss sight of these things and when I do I notice that my life starts to feel overwhelming and unbearable. So I stop and I try something new and then I get back on track living my life the way I live it. I hope that everyone can find their own balance for their life. I am by no means perfect at my "balanced" life. Keeping doing you and being the best you. Love you all.


This weeks quote is the biggest truth bomb of my life!